


you can't un-break a heart (I'm sorry, I'm sorry)

by bravest_person_in_Wonderland



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (1963), Doctor Who (Big Finish Audio)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Assisted Suicide, Audio 050: Zagreus, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I've been stuck on this scene since i first heard it, Insanity, Novelization, so i finally wrote smth about it, sorry for the angst, thus my pseud
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:15:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24909802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bravest_person_in_Wonderland/pseuds/bravest_person_in_Wonderland
Summary: The Doctor and Charley's POVs in That One Scene from Zagreus.TW: Suicidal thoughts, assisted suicide
Relationships: Eighth Doctor & Charley Pollard
Comments: 10
Kudos: 11





	1. The Doctor

**Author's Note:**

> Title from ["Sorry" by Alan Doyle](https://open.spotify.com/track/1YiHBz76ctoKfivI748EAz?si=pk5OC623Rf6YJAHIraqEdQ)
> 
> Betaed by [ LadyofLothal](/users/LadyofLothal/)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends this is my first time trying to write Eight's POV and it probably sucks and I apologize. It's been a rough couple days and for some reason Zagreus is the one thing I kept wanting to listen to, plus I've been wanting to write SOMETHING around this scene for basically ever, so this happened. I'm not super happy with the POV work (more on that in ch.2) but I hope it's ok?? I 100% accept constructive criticism or any thoughts anyone may have, so please leave a comment!!

Pain.  
Pain.  
Pain. 

It hurt. It hurt inside and out, his skin, his mind, his hearts. He couldn't live with it, he couldn't do this anymore. How long had it been? It felt like years. Milennia. Eternity. 

Charley was there. She could help, she could- could do what he couldn't. She was brave, strong. Moreso than he probably ever had been.

Rassilon was speaking. Charley was scared. Vaguely, he recognized that fact and hated it. 

He hated everything, he hated himself -- he'd hurt her, hit her -- he hated his mind -- _who am I who am I who am I -- Zagreus-Doctor-Zagreus_ \-- he hated being alive. 

"Kill me." 

"I can't!" She sounded shocked.

"Kill me." He didn't care. Not anymore.

"I- I love you!" 

Those three words broke through all the pain but still he pushed: "Kill me." 

"You wouldn't ask me-"

"-Kill me..." _Save me..._

"-Unless you didn't love me back." She finished more quietly.

"Kill me." He ignored the pain in her voice.

"In the time station, you said you did!" 

"Kill me." 

There were more voices now, familiar, but he didn't pay them heed. 

"You didn't mean it, did you?" 

"Kill me." Once when he was himself he had noted the way her voice broke when she was upset, once, but not now. 

"Just the sort of thing the Doctor says," she continued. 

"Kill me." He tuned out her words now. He just _wanted to die._

"I thought you were the bravest person I ever knew," 

"Kill me." 

Metal on metal, a blade being unsheathed.

"Thing is, you're not." 

"Kill me," he begged, his weary voice cracking.

"It's me. I'm the bravest person here." 

"Kill me," he hissed one last time. 

"Goodbye Doctor." She took one step and thrust and- 

"Goobye, Charley," he breathed. _I did love you._

Nothing.  
Nothing.  
Nothing.


	2. Charley

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you can't tell, I'm infinitely more comfortable writing Charley's POV than the Doctor's.

_No no no no, this was all wrong, this shouldn't be happening._ She'd been thinking that for hours, all day, however long this nightmare had lasted so far.

The Doctor was in pain, Rassilon was there, and _oh God, please help_ was the primary thought in her mind when the snake of a man handed her the sheathed blade.

"Kill me." The Doctor said it so simply that she almost thought (hoped) she'd misheard.

"I can't!" She gasped, shocked.

"Kill me." 

"I love you!" He couldn't ask this of her, he didn't really want to die, Rassilon was- no, Zagreus- no, he just wasn't himself, he'd snap out of it at the _I love you,_ that was how it always worked in... in stories. ( _but this wasn't a story,_ her mind reminded her.) 

"Kill me." 

"You wouldn't ask me-" she burst out, then cut off at the realization. 

"Kill me." 

"-Unless you didn't love me back," she finished carefully, softly, her words clipped to hold in the pieces of her broken heart. 

"Kill me." 

Behind her, she heard Romana and Leela run in and stop, surprised. In the back of her mind she hoped, prayed that one of them would step in, but she ignored them.

"On the time station you said you did," she said, hating the way her voice cracked ( _mirroring her heart,_ she supposed). 

"Kill me." 

"You didn't mean it, did you?" A wave of bitterness welled up in her. 

"Kill me." 

"Just the sort of thing the Doctor says," she snapped, hating him, and maybe herself, just for a moment, because she had truly thought he loved her. ( _You foolish, silly little girl,_ she told herself.) 

"Kill me." 

A pang went through her at the way his voice wavered, and hers matched it when she spoke again. "I thought you were the bravest person I ever knew," she told him, knowing he was barely lucid but still needing to get the words out. She unsheathed the sword.

"Kill me." 

"Thing is, you're not." Another silent plea for help, _why me why not Leela,_ she took a deep breath. 

"Kill me." 

"It's me." Her voice broke and she struggled to steady it. "I'm the bravest person here." _I'm alone._

"Kill me," he begged. 

And as her heart shattered, irreparably, into a billion billion pieces, she set her jaw and stepped forward. "Goodbye, Doctor," she said, and buried the blade in his chest and desperately held in tears when she heard his final whisper: 

"Goodbye, Charley." 

She fell to her knees, sobbing. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is super experimental, I've never done a "novelisation" like this before, but and I've also never written the Doctor's POV, so if you have any thoughts or constructive criticism, please leave a comment, I'd love to hear opinions!!


End file.
